Being a mom isn’t just a drag like some parents make it out to be. I’ve had some fun with this kid – watching him grow and learn has been my entertainment – it has to be: daytime TV sucks. Here are some of my favorite things so far:
1. Brandon is the dirtiest between his fingers. He constantly has blue lint between them. When I give him a bath, lint floats on top of the water.
2. This is probably because he already has clammy hands, just like his momma. Sorry kid, I hoped you would get your dad’s genes in the perspiration department.
3. Tucker has grown pretty comfortable around our new addition. So comfortable, in fact, that sometimes he doesn’t notice Brandon is there. He dropped his bone on Brandon’s head the other day.
4. Brandon discovered his own reflection and can not get enough of it. He is constantly showing off for himself in the mirror. Or just admiring how handsome he is. Either way – he’s pretty egotistical.
5. Brandon farts as loud as an adult. Multiple times I have asked Steve, “was that you or him?”
6. A woman said to me, “he must be a breastfed baby!” to which I simply replied, “no, he’s not.” I’m not sure if she was insinuating he was fat, but whatever her message, she ended up looking like the moron. What a weird thing to say to a stranger.
7. If it weren’t for pacifiers and diapers, Brandon would be an adult. I think he’s ready to skip the baby phase and get straight to college. He accompanied me to a work lunch at a bar, he went with Steve and I to the liquor store, and he has watched most of the last season of Breaking Bad with us. Thank God he isn’t to the stage where he repeats things he hears yet. I’ve got a few more months to clean it up.
8. Brandon dresses like a pimp. In the figurative way, of course – I’m not dressing him in furs. He has to be the best dressed baby I’ve ever seen. Except when it’s just him and me lounging around the house – then we both look like slobs.
9. Brandon is a manly boy. Only once has anyone asked if he was a boy or girl. It’s a given to everyone else. And the woman who asked was OLD and senile. She probably doesn’t even remember if she’s a boy or a girl.
10. Brandon seems to prefer the company of women to men. And beware – if you hold him, he just might root around for your nipple.