It was something small that put me into Brandon's mindset.This little ornament that Brandon made for me at school, gave to me in a paper bag he had decorated like a snowman.It said, "to: mom; from: Brandon" on it. At Steve's house, I saw another ornament, almost identical, and I realized, one day at school,... Continue Reading →


"I don't like your house," Holden hollered from the backseat in my garage. "Why don't you like my house?" I asked, calmly, I hoped. "Because it's too small," he said. "We only stay on the upstairs." I carried him up the stairs to the only place we stay. I cuddled him like a baby, so maybe he'd... Continue Reading →

blue foam cake

My youngest sondoesn't interact withother children.Instead, hemakes me fake food,pen sketches,block buildings--shows them to me,waits for praise.Sometimes I think,in the way parents of 2017 do,I should schedule play datesfor him, introducehim to friends his own age. But I don't.I love the attentionhe lavishes on meand quite frankly,I don't actually believehe needs any fixing.He just brought me... Continue Reading →

great healer

My sister is here, in town with her baby.What is it about babies that brings out our smiles? Also, it is a weird phenomenon, being around family. I sing aloud again, do puzzles, dance in the living room. Everything is as it should be.Like the good ol' days.She took pictures of me and the boys,... Continue Reading →

frat bros

I have an addictive personality. In both the chemical and compulsive behavior categories, I like to get fucked up. Fuuuuucked up. I wrote an essay about it this semester: about why I drink or smoke weed. I like to feel OK as I am and it seems I can only achieve that when I'm drunk... Continue Reading →

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