symbiotic brothers

Brandon starts school on Monday. All day Kindergarten. Before, I thought it was me who would have a hard time with it. But now I realize it's Holds. These two have this bond that is so incredible. They speak their own language together. Brandon coaxes Holden into absolutely anything because Holden wants to be just... Continue Reading →

pocket baseball

Most of the time, I am alone with the kids. At home, this is doable. There is no public shaming or expectations of my parenting. I don't have to worry about being too tough or lenient for watching eyes. The kids are caged in so I don't have to worry about them escaping or being... Continue Reading →

tips for raising two boys

Raising kids is no joke. It's fucking brutal. Raising two rambunctious boys is doing me in. One is extremely emotional, the other is extremely violent. Neither of them sleep much. You know that phrase, "I have one nerve left and you're on it"? That's how I've felt for four years and four months. Now, I... Continue Reading →

catching up

At first, when Holden was a screaming baby, I wondered if I would ever love him the way I loved Brandon. Brandon was my first boy, the boy who taught me how to be a mother and how to love unconditionally. None of that could be recreated - the magic had already happened. With Brandon,... Continue Reading →

relax: I don’t do it

Somehow, I have forgotten what it is to relax. I remember days when I used to spend hours piecing together a puzzle while singing at the top of my lungs. I remember long bubble baths and reading more than a page in one sitting. I remember it, but I just don't do it anymore. My... Continue Reading →

tantrum in the library

One of my coffee shop customers also has two boys, her's four and six and today she told me she misses them when they were the age Brandon and Holden are now. I thanked her for the reminder - to live in the now, to idle and just be where I am wholeheartedly. I often... Continue Reading →

realistic expectations

There are many struggles in motherhood for me. I would love to say I took on motherhood with a fierce calm and conquered it, but that would be a boldfaced lie. Motherhood and I are not a perfect pairing. As I've written about before, one of my struggles has been surrendering my Me Time and... Continue Reading →

infinite love

I didn't know how well I would do at parenting more than one kid, in all honesty. I will never forget being at the hospital, about to deliver Holden, and crying that I wasn't with Brandon. He is my first son, the child who made me a mother, the first baby I could call my... Continue Reading →

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