If You Give Your Son a Brother

Brandon and I have been reading a lot of Laura Numeroff books. You know, the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie series. After finishing, we make up our own versions. Brandon especially likes talking about his upcoming birthday party after If You Give a Pig a Party. He always wants cupcakes, balloons, and lots of presents, while I lament about invitations, decorating, and cleaning up. After he fell asleep last night, I started thinking about my own version of the book series based on the past year. Here it is:

If You Give Your Son a Brother…

You’re going to have to start trying to get pregnant. That will mean circled ovulation dates, charted periods, and scheduled sex. 

Once you’re pregnant, you’ll remember everything you hated about being pregnant. The cankles, the acne, the heartburn, the irrational mood swings. You’ll forget some other things: working out, eating reasonable meals, your feet. 

You will wish you weren’t pregnant anymore for months and months, and then one day, your water will break and you will wish the baby could stay in a little longer. You will go into labor and curse and scream for thinking having another baby was a good idea. 

But then you will hold your baby on your chest and you will remember that it was. Some parts are good. Really good. 

But then breast feeding won’t be smooth and you’ll remember what you were cursing about. You will force your husband to go buy a breast pump which he will feel uncomfortable about, but he will do because it means twenty minutes of peace and quiet.

While your husband is out, your baby will wrap his little finger around your pinky and you’ll forget what you were whining about. 

And then you won’t get to sleep in any more, or sleep more than a few hours here and there at all. You will look at your older son who is skeptical and jealous of the baby with your weary eyes and try to explain that this brother is a good thing, while trying to convince yourself it is. 

You will read him a book about being a big brother over and over and that book will start to soothe the both of you once you realize that there are better days ahead. 

And the sleeping will get a little better and the older son will adjust to the little one’s presence, and before you know it, it won’t be so bad. 

But then the teething will start and the screaming will follow and your older son will say, “just stop screaming Holden Paul!” and you will laugh in agreement. 

And eventually the screaming will subside and the two will play and wrestle and roughhouse and you’ll smile that there is this other person now that also thinks your oldest son is the best thing in the world. 

And chances are, 

when you start thinking like that, 

you’ll think of giving your younger son

a little brother.

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