When I was a kid, my favorite place to go was dad’s school. He would take us there after dinner, when no one was around save a janitor and a haggard-looking secretary. He would shoot hoops with Chad in the gymnasium while Amber and I would jump on stage and pretend we were being watched – belting out songs, dancing around. And then dad would take us into his classroom. I would marvel at the maps on the wall, the skeleton, and the little cubbies each student had. It was then I decided I was going to be a teacher – just like dad.
I’m not a teacher. Sometime in those chaotic college years (when no one should be held accountable for what profession they will end up in, mind you) I changed my major. To English. A degree w/o a correlating profession. But I had high hopes: of one day being a writer. Today, I am grown up, and although I don’t have a classroom, I do have my cubicle. My small yet inviting cubicle with dual monitors. As a kid, I would have thought that was so cool. If I saw the rainbow of colors light up the screen, I would think that was even cooler. I would ask for a copy of Fraction Munchers in all color, too.
I’m not a writer, either. I go to work each day, then come home and write my humble little blog. Occasionally, when my ego has had a chance to rebuild itself, I submit a poem off to a literary journal somewhere where someone is sifting through poems the way I do resumes, picking the good from the slush and the best from the good. One day, maybe I’ll be that person. And I will teach a creative writing class. I will do a little of both – a little of what my dad does and a little of what I do. I’ve been learning all these years. Preparing for something I’m truly passionate about.
I wrote something really cheesy in 2005. Super cheesy. But I’m copying it for you in the spirit of nostalgia and hopefulness and optimism. I wrote this when I was pregnant and afraid and alone; when I needed words to soothe my pain and tell me that someday, things would turn out for the best.
We all had our high hopes and dreams – of being actresses, singers, presidents, and CEOs. We were the future – we were going to change the world. But then our dreams collided with reality. A couple made their dreams come true. A few dreams changed as life progressed, and a few gave up on dreams altogether…Once in awhile, when I feel like life is a cycle of running in circles and never reaching any destination, I remind myself of my dream and how all this running in circles will one day take me there.