sound the alarm

Yesterday, we got an alarm system installed. Now I feel like we should be rich. When I was a kid, no one had alarm systems. Most of us didn’t even lock our doors. In fact, sometimes I would go down into our basement and some neighbor kid was standing there. We didn’t have a fence for the majority of childhood, either. Neighborhood kids and dogs would congregate near our rope swing and wait for us to come out and entertain them. In 1990, I was blissfully aware of crime and creeps.

Now, I’m all too aware of it. Once you work in Human Resources, you see just how many people posing to be normal have rap sheets a mile long including things you didn’t know about, like “terroristic threat” and “false imprisonment.” Also, not helping my fear of humans, I recently saw “Unlawful Entry” (yes, I know it’s from 1992, we didn’t have a TV then. I’m still catching up on TV shows and movies from twenty years ago). I feel our monthly bill from ADT is now justified, because a cop like Ray Liotta could very well fall in love with me and try to take me away from Steve. Hey, it’s not probable, but possible. Maybe if I kept my mouth closed and had my makeup on and was wearing something from someone else’s wardrobe.

So here we are at 11:30 am. Tucker hasn’t been let outside for 12 hours. His tiny bladder is about to explode. Yet I haven’t let him out yet because Steve is still sleeping and I know our alarm system is armed. I know it’s only a matter of time until I open a door and invite the cops to our house. And that’s exactly the kind of thing I don’t need. Just my luck they’d show up on a day where I had my makeup on and one of them would instantly fall in love with me.

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