change jar

You know how people say, “a penny for your thoughts?” as if everything in your head they want in their’s? Maybe they feel mentally inferior. Or maybe, since a penny is such an insult, it’s meant to make you feel inferior: your thoughts aren’t worth shit. I knew an old man who told me he won’t even bother bending down for anything less than a dime.

(Why are nickels bigger than dimes? It should be the smaller the coin, the less it’s worth).

Well, save your measly pennies. I give you my thoughts on a website for free. You can thank me later: write me a check in the year 2020 for a $10,000 and I’ll call us even. Maybe ten Gs is a bit steep. We’ll figure out the math when the time comes (in the meantime, you might as well start throwing change in a jar in preparation).

In case you’re intrigued by my mind and think it’s some genius playground, let me assure you: it’s not. A good rule of thumb is if I’m not spaced out staring out the window, I’m probably thinking about things I can buy. I love having a shopping bag and a receipt.

Now that I’m a homeowner, I spend a lot of time thinking of ways I can throw money at improve our house. Like yesterday: I was standing in the shower thinking that we should coat our bathroom walls in rubber. Perhaps just roll it on like wallpaper. Is that a product? It needs to be. I hate to see the paint peeling off the wall above the shower stall. It makes showers even less enjoyable for me.

Why don’t you throw a quarter in that Holly jar? That was certainly worth more than a penny.