I just finished up a week with my family and two days back at work.
I am exhuasted.
My mom tried to make Steve and I feel at home by putting us in a bed we can share.
This is difficult in a house that doesn’t have mattresses larger than full sized.
So she and my little brother shoved two twin beds together.
The mattresses are older than I am.
Now I need to go to the chiropractor.
But it was thoughtful of her all the same.
I was jealous that my sister got an air mattress until she woke up on the hard basement floor with no air left in it.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, just usually.
* * *
Having siblings teaches you to compare yourself to everyone else.
And Christmas presents are no different.
I now see why most parents are very careful to spend the same amount on each of their children; because if they don’t, the kids notice.
It seems very stressful to be a parent.
You’re always trying to make your kids happy or at least keep them from hating you.
How do you do it? It’s realizations like this that scare me off the idea.
That and even more stretch marks and not sleeping through the night and toys that make noise and premature piercings and deadbeat boyfriends and…
But there must be some good in it, too.
An overanalyzer can’t even tell what color the grass is anymore.
I’m talking about myself, of course.
My mind is so unraveled that I forgot how I wanted to end this.
That is unusual for me because all the time when I am writing I am thinking how I can sum it all up and tie a nice bow around it on the last sentence; how I can accentuate what I was trying to say. But honestly, I don’t know what I want to say today. I just know I want to say something because I am having blogging withdrawls. Sorry I couldn’t tie a nice bow on my thoughts today. Just imagine this blog is like the last present under the tree where there was a bow on it at one time but now it’s in a gift bag stuck to some tissue paper because of all the jostling. Yeah, I like that.
Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It made me into the best person I am ever going to be. It helped me grow up. The sense of being completely responsible for another life is so terrifying and exhilerating at the same time it is undescribable. Then when that life smiles at you and lets you know that they love you – it is validation. Then knowing from the start you love them unconditionally – no matter what happens in life, no matter what they do to you that you will ALWAYS LOVE this person – it is an awesome feeling. It is freeing.
Well Holly actually your blog is a gift to me, I too was having withdrawals from your blog and was anxiously waiting for you to return. Part of me would like to start a blog, but I don't see why anyone would want to read my dribble.
Glad your back and as for the last gift, thank you. It was worth the wait!
Sorry about the misuse of YOUR, should have been you're back. I don't want the word nazi's coming down on me!
Karen: thank you for being my #1 fan! As for starting a blog, I don't see why anyone would want to read my dribble either, but a few do, and that feels good. You should try it!
Kimber: I might have to try parenting after all – that does sound pretty great.