ID for dogs

Look what came in the mail today:

Apparently dogs have ID cards now. I know actual humans who can’t board airplanes because they don’t have identification, but my DOG has a laminated card with all his essential stats on it. What is he supposed to do with it? Put it in his dog wallet in his dog hip pocket?

He should keep it on him at all times in case he faints on a running trail. In fact, I should probably get him a rape whistle, too. He will need to keep his ID card handy in the event that a female dog wants verification that he’s been neutered and has all his vaccinations before she jumps into bed with him. Actually, maybe we should just skip the dogs and give these type of cards to humans.

Women can check in a guy’s wallet to see if he’s neutered, married, the income he brings in, his diet, what hobbies and vices he has, date of birth, and so on. And guys could check out a woman’s, too, of course (sometimes I forget that there are four males who read this blog). The possibilities are limitless. It could save a lot of people a lot of disappointment. But alas, we haven’t mastered that type of identification yet – we would rather misrepresent ourselves on the internet. So far, only canines have the ID card down to a perfect science.

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