I want a margarita. An icy cold, blended, flavored margarita. I only drink socially, never alone, so imagine my sudden longing for booze when I was invited to happy hour despite my condition. I’m still going. I will go and eat cheese balls because I enjoy the conversation, even without the booze that makes it so much more interesting. I wonder what drinks they will choose. I always have an expectation of what kind of drink someone will order because of what person I think they are. Here is my interpretation of a person based on the drink they order:
1. Domestic beer: low maintenance; run-of-the-mill; somewhat dull
2. Specialty beer: unique personality; knows what they want; has a few vices
3. White wine: somewhat snobby
4. Red wine: full-out snobby
5. Rum and coke: new to drinking cocktails and didn’t know what else to order or first ordered a rum and coke and never switched to anything else when the rest of us did
6. Whiskey: future alcoholic
7. Gin: full-out crazy
8. Michelob Ultra: weight issues – might be extreme dieting, extreme exercising, anorexic or bullemic. Doesn’t drink much and leaves the party earlier than most.
9. Vodka tonic: same as #8, but this one wants to get drunk
10. Margarita: no longer a young drinker but still knows how to have a good time
11. Shots: desperate to get laid tonight
12. Jägerbombs: wants to get laid or have fun, and can’t do either without this drink
There are hundreds of other drinks, but these are the main ones I see people order, so these ones I have the most opinions about. Don’t comment to me on how you love red wine but you’re not snobby or anything like that. Keep in mind, I have drank all and still drink many of these beverages. So whatever terrible thing you think I’m saying about you is what I am saying about myself. What did I miss?