Seeking:

An employer which allows me to work part-time, flexible hours. Somewhere that lets me put in my headphones when I’ve had enough of people. A job that keeps my mind free to be creative: a place that doesn’t clog me with pettiness and politics. Must be near a good coffee shop. I will show up, log in so you know I’m “there,” then immediately leave to get coffee every morning. It’s cool though, I’ll bring back some for the people I like.

A place that doesn’t discriminate. No sexists and no sexual harassment, for god’s sake. Also, speaking of god, a place that doesn’t pray together or only hire Catholics. A place that doesn’t discriminate against Muslims because they pray at certain hours of the day. A place that doesn’t fire me for speaking up against injustices (because it’s only a matter of time). A place that doesn’t discourage friendships by forcing us back into our cubicles like cattle in stalls.

A place with cool ass people, a refrigerator, and plenty of parking. I offer a shoulder to cry on, jokes that go way too far, and unsolicited commentary on anything and everything. I’ll send you my resume as a PDF, not that you need it.