It was not any awakening of the large, not so much as that,
only a stepping back from the petty.
~from “The Promise” by Jane Hirshfield
I have been feeling myself again, which is to say productive and filled with purpose. I have been positive and happy, much more than I had been. I am sitting in the sun again.
When I read Jane’s lines, last night in bed, I realized that this purposeful me is one detached from the petty.
I have known many people who are negative and petty and filled with anger or rage that they direct at other people. Those people drain me down to a husk. But now, I am myself, detached from all that, working on my art and encouraging my friends to do the same.
This morning, I slept in, then woke slowly. I love to read before I fall asleep and then read again when I wake up. This morning I read Jen Pastiloff’s Manifesto, which is exactly the attitude I’ve adopted recently without realizing it:
I promise to not be an asshole to myself.
Hell, I promise to love myself.
I will remember that my self worth is not based on what I look like, how much I weigh, how many followers I have, or any other stupid crap that has nothing to do with who I am.
I will empower other girls and women.
I will be kind. Fiercely kind.
I will have a sense of humor.
I will do my best not to gossip, create drama, or judge others (or myself).
I will remember that just because I’ve had a bad day, doesn’t mean I have a bad life.
And even on the crappiest days, I will remember this:
I am enough.
So yeah, I have to pay bills and figure out how to live like this, but it’s not a bad life. I am sitting in the sun and my worries are small, much smaller than they could be.