heart-shaped eyes

At my son's elementary school, they cut sheets of tissue paper into pieces. Brandon, glad to have me in this part of his life we don't usually share, holds heart-patterned tissue paper over his eyes, looks at me like an emoji. I have brought an apple at Brandon's request and I pull it from my... Continue Reading →

solving our riddles

If sadness is contagious--and I think maybe it is--I'm afraid I gave it to my son. Often people who aren't sad think the people who are sad are only that way because of things that happened to them. That because of horrible things, they are sad. And sometimes, maybe that's true. But also, there is... Continue Reading →

Bucket Filling

"Mom, you're filling my bucket," Brandon said, after I told him how smart he is, how proud I am to be his mother. "What does that mean?" I asked, knowing the answer but wanting to hear him say it. "Everybody has an invisible bucket," he began, "and when you compliment someone or do nice things... Continue Reading →


It was something small that put me into Brandon's mindset.This little ornament that Brandon made for me at school, gave to me in a paper bag he had decorated like a snowman.It said, "to: mom; from: Brandon" on it. At Steve's house, I saw another ornament, almost identical, and I realized, one day at school,... Continue Reading →

Halloween 2017

It's always cold here on Halloween. But this was the first year it snowed. Just light snowflakes that didn't stick to much, but snow nonetheless. I looked up into the streetlights and watched them fall as the kids ran from house to house, shivering in the snow, collecting candy. This is embarrassing to admit, but when I... Continue Reading →

for brandon

Last night, Brandon, you couldn't sleep because you watched a video on the iPad that frightened you. You called, "mommy!" from your bed, even though you never call me that anymore and I raced up the bunk stairs to hold you. You were covered in a cold sweat. You told me about the video, that... Continue Reading →

first day of kindergarten

At work the other day, my manager was talking with another parent about how hard it was to say goodbye to their kids on the first day of school. "I'll be fine," I said flippantly. "Get out of my house already, I need the quiet." And while it's true that I crave quiet and aloneness,... Continue Reading →

symbiotic brothers

Brandon starts school on Monday. All day Kindergarten. Before, I thought it was me who would have a hard time with it. But now I realize it's Holds. These two have this bond that is so incredible. They speak their own language together. Brandon coaxes Holden into absolutely anything because Holden wants to be just... Continue Reading →

B’s photography

Last week, Brandon graduated from preschool. You should see this boy. He is incredible. We decided to pull apart our house for a garage sale in two days, and he has been the best helper, organizing and sorting, cleaning out, even lifting one end of a table for me. He is a photographer now. I wanted a picture of... Continue Reading →


Brandon Jude, Somehow or another, five years have passed since the day you made me a mother. A different one this time: a mother with a child to care for.You changed me, as I suppose everyone I know changes me, but in a different way. In a more intense, permanent way. You taught me sacrifice... Continue Reading →

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