typical day at the oakview mall

I am not Anna Wintour by any stretch of the imagination, but there are a few fashion faux pas that irk the hell out of me. These are as follows:

1. Denim on denim
2. Velvet (no exceptions: it is NEVER ok– in fact, my uncle single-handedly ruined all of my mother’s wedding pictures by wearing a red crushed velvet suit to the event. We still hear of it)
3. Scrunchies
4. Socks with sandals
5. Muffin top (I don’t have the smallest stomach in proportion to the rest of my body, but I will buy pants up a size and have them too large in the legs before having flesh heaving out over the waistband)
6. High waters (“hey coach, why don’t you invite your pants down to your shoes so they can party?”)
7. Short-sleeved button down shirts with ties (as in Dwight Schrute)
8. Those damn t-shirts men cut up so there is a three-foot hole under their armpits
9. Wallets that connect to your jeans via a chain
10. Jelly shoes (I haven’t seen a lot of these lately, so this is just a repressed hatred that I’m finally letting out)