epiphanies #4

1. Why must all housing developments come complete with an adjective and a noun? Mockingbird Heights, Tomahawk Hills, Autumn Ridge, Quail Hollow, Harvey Oaks. Why can’t we just have a simple, single word to describe this lot of shoebox homes that looks like all the others? How about “suburbia,” or “ditto”? Making a fancy sounding name doesn’t make the house values increase, so let’s cut the shit. I can tell you my housing development is called “Millard Oaks” and the only oak I’ve seen has been chopped up to create our kitchen cabinets.

2. It is really not necessary for Hy-Vee to employ 60 teenagers on a Sunday night. Just because you’re the only employer that disobeys child labor laws doesn’t mean you have to give every single underage kid a job. I’m also not really sure how standing around near the redbox is teaching anyone work ethic. Get out of my way kid, go clean up the yogurt I just dropped for the mere purpose of keeping you busy.

3. Why are Speidi telling Al Roker to stick to predicting cloudy days? They are trying to make fun of him for having a job? I’m sure he would have a sassy retort for you two, but wait, you don’t have jobs. I know Heidi climbs around on rocks while Spencer holds his camcorder and tells her to try flying, but last I checked, that’s called mixing magic mushrooms with tequila, not employment.

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