Wanted: normal couple of pals

Other than the fact that Steve is quite the opposite of fat, some days our life together is all too much like an episode of “King of Queens.” Just today we were planning on what kind of couple we’d like to find to befriend, and how we would even go about befriending them. I suggested going through the neighbors trash: looking for beer bottles (him), tags from new clothes (me), bills which reflect minimal debt (so we can all go do things together). Our ideal couple to double date with:

1. In their late 20s to early 30s
2. Do not yet have children
3. Are not embarrassing to be seen in public with (no hideous wardrobe choices or unsightly growths need apply)
4. Like to eat out
5. Will pay for themselves and never steal, beg, or borrow money
6. Will play ridiculous games
7. Laugh at themselves and others
8. Don’t fight often in front of us (save that for home)
9. Have jobs but also have interests outside of their jobs
10. Aren’t trying to solicit anything (we are not shopping for new religions, business ventures, or political stances, thank you)

The man must:
1. Like sports
2. Like beer
3. Play poker
4. Listen to music other than pop
5. Also talk about other topics on occassion

The woman must:
1. Like reality tv (preferrably Big Brother so we can talk about alliances and the treachery that is the human race)
2. Enjoy buying things
3. Be genuinely interesting
4. Have an opinion (nothing I hate more than, “sure” or “what do you want?”)
5. Make me laugh

If you know of any couples who fit the bill, we are currently looking. We can offer a nice home to hang out at, a dog that will love you, my own blender concoctions, Steve’s original raps, and some fierce competition in any game we play. As a bonus, you will also get to hear Steve’s genuine guffaw when he watches a comedy, which is a comedy in itself.

4 thoughts on “Wanted: normal couple of pals

Add yours

  1. “As a bonus, you will also get to hear Steve's genuine guffaw when he watches a comedy, which is a comedy in itself.” hahahahaha…that is funny. you are funny.

    why are the perfect friends so hard to come by?


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