retail insanity

I went to Target today and bought (among a few other things) a pack of gum. “Would you like this with you or in the bag?” the cashier asked me. Seriously? I bought five things. If I can’t find a pack of gum amongst four other things, I have no business handling the money it cost to buy it in the first place. I know they really just tacked this question on to their fifteen others to annoy the absolute hell out of me. Now it’s:

“Did you find everything you were looking for?”
“Except the machete, yes.”
“Excuse me?”
“Just not bruschetta.”
“Oh, that’s on aisle 12.”
“I just changed my mind. I found everything just fine.”
“Would you like to open a Target card and save 10% today?”
“But if you do it’ll save you $1.82.”
“Tempting to accrue $2000 in debt for $1.82, but again: no.”
“OK, paper or plastic?”
“Give me a damn bag, I don’t care. Whatever is not recyclable.”
“Oh, on your receipt you received a survey…just go online within 48 hours an-“

And here is about where I snap, grab the bag, leave her holding the receipt, and take my gum out of the bag and put it in my purse.
Checking out has as many questions as a family reunion, and it’s all more than I can take. There is a reason some of us buy everything possible online.

Target is no longer a thrill for me. I used to go and spend $146 on nonsense. I would buy a couple DVDs I’d never seen before, but they were on sale. I bought hair rubber bands, frames, stationary. I would buy a CD because I liked one single on it (hello, iTunes). Times have changed. I’m more cynical or Target is less cool. Either way, I’d rather be at home on my computer where life is balanced again.

P.S. I also hate it when people call it “Tarrr-jhay.” I hate it so much. It makes me red with anger. I have to stop typing about it now.

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