Jacksons, Hamiltons, and Lincolns

What ever happened to cash?

Remember this stuff? You used to receive it as a form of payment in birthday cards and after babysitting? Yeah, I used to love cash. I would make little envelopes and divide my meager earnings into them: presents, savings, my made-up club du jour’s fund, etc. I saved fives and tens all year long to have enough money to spend a week at camp. I would hide it in my dad’s safe and he would occasionally add a couple bucks (as “interest” he said).

I haven’t had cash since college. I remember when cash was still encouraged as a form of payment, but debit and credit cards were catching on. McDonald’s charged 75¢ as a surcharge to let you pay in debit card. It was so inconvenient to go get cash out of the ATM that I would rack up the 75¢ charges, even if I was only buying a $1 double cheeseburger. One time, we were leaving Cowgirls, Inc. in Seattle and I was stumbling around drunk on the sidewalk. Some bum asked me to spare him some money. “Do you take credit cards?” I asked, and laughed. He probably just thought to piss on my shoe, but if he was really innovative, he would have saved his quarters and singles to buy a credit card machine and would be making tons of money today as the only beggar who accepts Visa.

But there really are occasions where only cash will do. These are the times I curse technology and magnetic strips and wish my wallet actually contained money.

When only cash will do:

-garage sales
-buying illegal drugs
-paying your cover to get into a club/bar
-leaving the restaurant early instead of waiting 20 minutes for your waitress to run your credit card
-hustling
-any act that will land you in jail
-King Kong
-bribes
-swapping cash with your sister so you can take advantage of “buy one get one half off” sales

Only problem is, if you have cash, you have to worry about these freaky men with goatees and a fetish for women’s accessories. But you’re always suspicious of them anyway, right?

3 thoughts on “Jacksons, Hamiltons, and Lincolns

Add yours

  1. not having cash keeps me away from garage sales, and that is actually better for my marriage. plus i lose cash. somehow i can keep track of plastic.

    when i first moved here, i drove through mcdonalds one lonely night at grace. when i got to the window to pay and i handed him my debit card the guy laughed at me. “you can't use that here” i was so confused. i just looked at him, and drove my car over the curb and out of the line. i think omaha was a little behind the plastic times.

    Like

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