what’s the opposite of green thumb?

So you know how I told you I keep trying to be a gardener even though it’s obvious I shouldn’t? Here’s further proof I’m not cut out for it:

Awhile ago, I bought some tomato plants. Those tiny little sprouts that come in the black plastic pots. I bought the metal cage to keep them upright. I never watered them, but with the amount of rain we’ve got this summer, they started to grow.

They grew so tall that they’ve outgrown our fence. So naturally you’d think such a healthy plant would have big juicy tomatoes dangling from it. Try again. This is me we’re talking about. They have no tomatoes at all. Not even tiny little green marbles. Nothing. I have barren tomato plants.

I’m not cut out for tilling the ground. God knew what he was doing when he placed me in the 21st century. I wouldn’t last a day in an era before Hy-Vee.