guilt cookies

In an effort to lose one of these chins by the time I fly back home for Christmas, on Saturday I decided I would change. I decided I would work out more and eat less sweets. Sunday I went for a long run. Yesterday, I didn’t drink a root beer float and I didn’t eat any chocolate (except where mixed with granola which doesn’t count for shit since granola is healthy). I felt pretty damn good. And I didn’t feel like I would wake up this morning with four new zits breaking out across my face (post-pubescent acne is a slight problem for me).

I was going to keep a journal: day 1, day 2, etc. to post for you on this blog. Well, there it is. Because today, I order four fried taquitos for lunch from this fantastic Mexican place the payroll girls order from. I had two root beer floats with dinner. And I topped it all off with two double stuffed E.L. Fudges smushed together. And I do feel like I will have four new zits breaking across my face tomorrow morning. But I’m OK with it; that’s the reason I bought the face wash after all.

I felt horrible most of the night which is the reason I binged on the E.L. Fudges; our doorbell rang and since it gets dark so early now people can tell we’re home with the lights on and all. That is really killing our avoid-them-and-they’ll-leave tactic. It was a small boy who couldn’t have been older than seven and as socially adapted as six. He was shy and had the blushing cheeks like I do. His parents stood on the sidewalk with a wagon full of popcorn; it was obvious they made him join the boy scouts to interact with other children. He asked me if I wanted to buy some popcorn. I asked him how much and he said, “different prices for different sizes,” in a hurry as if he was being timed. He showed me a brochure from afar which doesn’t work on a woman who was recently diagnosed with needing glasses.

I could only read one price, which was $20. I thought that rather steep for some microwave popcorn. I did a quick inventory of our pantry and realized that we really didn’t need it (who ever needs something that is sold door-to-door?). I didn’t have any cash (these are all excuses, I’m sure you’re aware). Kids don’t hear excuses, they hear only ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ So I told him ‘no’ and sent him on his way.

No sooner had I closed the door than I felt a wave of guilt rush over me. I made a terrible mistake. I could picture this mom muttering, “what a bitch! Who can say ‘no’ to a boy in a kerchief?” But I couldn’t take it back. So I asked Steve to buy some popcorn from his boss’ son so I can do right by at least one boy scout. I mean really, what did they ever do to me but make me scarf down E.L. Fudges out of guilt?

3 thoughts on “guilt cookies

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  1. my nephew is a cub scout and that shit is expensive! a tin is like 30 bucks! it you just wait til the day after christmas you can get the same crappy popcorn for a buck at walgreens!

  2. in an effort to lose my “i just had a baby saggy gut”, i am not buying boy scout popcorn. please jesus don't let a boy scout come to my door. i can't say no to those poor kids going door to door.

  3. I did buy their $20.00 bag and it was not good…………I was NOT happy, I could've ordered from Harry and David for that price and it would have been fabulous. Both my husband and I were scout leaders, so I feel like I've made my contribution, no more yucky overpriced popcorn for this household.

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