Maybe I’d prefer movies if…

1. The same actors didn’t play different characters. When I read a book, I imagine this character as unique. But then when the book becomes a movie, they have Matthew McConaughey play the character, and I’ll I can see now is his shirtless body in a role that definitely requires a shirt. I typecast every actor where they should really only play themselves.

Plus, my imagined characters never look as bad as some of their screenplay counterparts. Drew Barrymore can stop ruining stories for me any time now. I’m all about the aesthetically pleasing. Luckily for Joan Cusack, I don’t rule the world.

2. More of them narrated. Too much dialogue, not enough thoughts. I love the few movies with narration. If I ever write this book, it will be mostly thoughts, so I’m sure it won’t sell. But my position is, if you want dialogue, watch a sitcom. I read for those pensive thoughts between the snappy conversations.

3. They didn’t feel the same because the same writers and producers are mulching all these different stories into their same plot: guy meets girl, they bicker, but finally realize they want each other, trouble occurs or secret is revealed and one leaves, the other catches them right before it’s too late and they end up together anyway.

4. I could read from so far away.

5. They didn’t all have happy endings.

But until then, I prefer books.

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