I’ve come to hate small talk.

It means two people have nothing to talk about. But to mask that, they have pointless chatter, most commonly about the weather, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes it’s other observations. I hate small observation talk. Most commonly, it’s something like, “you got a haircut.” What are you supposed to say to that? “Why yes, I did. Thanks for noticing”?

For me, it’s sunburns. People are always commenting to me how I got a little sun over the weekend. I never know what they expect me to say in return. “Why yes, I have very pale skin. If I get the mail, I have to use aloe vera for a week.” Or, “no shit – I went outside.”

Or do they want me to comment on some observation I have about them? How about I say, “you look tired – did you have to sleep on the couch again last night?” If I commented on every observation I had, everyone would be offended. But somehow, other people do, and no one gets upset at them.

No one, that is, except me. It’s pointless. I hate that which doesn’t serve a purpose. Keep your observations to yourself, unless there is some point to verbalize it. Like, “you’re on fire,” would be helpful, whereas, “your Skittles are all different colors,” is not helpful, just infuriating.

Now I’ll go rub some aloe vera on my arms – I just got the mail. My celebrity magazine came today, so I’ll read that while my skin starts to peel.

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