In eight weeks, Holden will be here. There is so much to do. There are so many lasts with us now, and soon to be so many firsts. These are my last eight weeks of working for awhile. I found a new job which I plan to work at until Holden is born. Only eight more weeks of a morning commute and of picking up Brandon from daycare. It’s hard to fathom. I’m not just going on maternity leave, I’m staying home with our two boys for awhile. I’m going into semi-retirement.
I don’t know how it will shake out. But I do know that I want to spend as much time with my little growing boys as I can. Yesterday Steve and I took Brandon to the zoo and it made him so happy. I can do things like that with my boys, and not only on weekends. I read yesterday in a parenting book that no matter whether a mother works or doesn’t, many times she will feel guilt regardless.
I can see that. I’m already feeling guilty that I won’t be contributing to our household income. I don’t want to turn into a crazy person because I never have adult interaction. I want to still feel the purpose I feel from doing my job well. And these worries are while I’m still at work. But I’m hoping none of the guilt is quite to the extent of the mommy guilt I felt the first day I dropped off 12-week-old Brandon at daycare.