Harboring thoughts

Do you ever wonder what happens to your thoughts that you never release? I think they stay inside of you and become a part of your psyche – affecting your actions and decisions and emotions and attitude.

For me, writing is my release – I write and set free those thoughts that were captive in my mind. My mind is freed of those thoughts, but I can always reference them again if I ever want to remember what I was feeling or thinking at any given time.

I write both to remember and to forget. 

Perhaps that is why therapy works for people – because by saying their thoughts out loud to someone, they are setting their minds free of what they were harboring before.

I am a somewhat private person in real life, but on paper, I am an open book. I found something I wrote in 2005 that I will share a part of with you here:

You don’t need to know…

That sometimes I cry at night because I feel inadequate. I feel like I’ve failed my parents for having a daughter, and I feel like I’ve failed my daughter for not being her parent. 

That I write what I can’t say out loud.

That I am different versions of me depending on my audience.

That I sometimes say things hoping to convince myself it’s true.

I read this the other day and was grateful that I had written this down so I could free my mind of what it had been holding onto. Writing is my therapy. It allows me to release and reset. I am going to start journaling at night again to allow myself to release what I didn’t even know I had been harboring; to make myself a happier and gentler person.