This is hard to admit, but here goes:
Steve and I are separating.
To say I’m overwhelmed would be such an understatement.
On Friday, when I walked into the office to get my apartment keys, the office manager said I needed my co-signer with me. So I called Steve who thankfully dropped everything and drove over so I could get into my new place. The office manager asked for the form proving I had set up gas and electric. I had set up neither gas nor electric. She let me in anyway (with gas and power on) even though the paperwork says they won’t.
I am so thankful for the kindness of strangers.
The weekend was a whirlwind of hauling boxes up the stairs and unpacking them, of finding new places for old things to go.
On Monday, I drove Brandon to school and then went to Steve’s house with my laptop to use his WiFi. I scheduled to have my utilities started. I called to get my own WiFi. I texted Steve to find out what routers and modems are and if I should buy or rent one.
Yesterday, I drove to Lincoln to order a couch. Holden fell asleep in the car so I sat in the parking lot returning emails I had forgotten about, crying. This was my first time missing a school deadline. I woke up Holden and we ordered a couch which won’t be here for 8-10 weeks. I bought a chair which we finagled into my car with only one seat down, Holden in the other one. I bought a trash can from the hardware store which rode in the passenger seat. I had so many blind spots: behind me and next to me. I could only see what was going on around me by contorting my neck.
What a perfect metaphor.
I stopped and picked up a router/modem and installed it myself. I have WiFi now.
Last night I stayed up late unpacking the last boxes. I vacuumed the floor, loaded the dishwasher. Today I submitted my workshop materials five days late. I set up automatic bill pay for my utitlies. I made an email folder called “Adulting So Hard.”
I am learning to live this way.
Every day is easier than the last.
I have no idea what to say separating is hard but not something I have experienced since I have been married to Tim for 33 years. I have also never lived on my own and don't know how I would feel if I did being an adult is hard work and if as children we really understand how hard if is we wouldn't be in a rush to grow up.