vanity plates

The idiocy that is vanity platesI was behind a red car yesterday with a vanity plate of "STMP LDY." I was imagining the driver: a short woman without feet. What else could that mean but "Stump Lady"? While trying to imagine how she pushed the accelerator and brake pedals, I read her license plate frame:... Continue Reading →

home away from home

Home is where you make itI've lived in Omaha for five years. The rest of my life was spent in Pierce County, WA. On days like today, I miss it. I miss the streets and the temperature, the restaurants and the parks. I miss a lot of places I probably wouldn't visit and a lot... Continue Reading →

Near-divorce experience

I welcome the nickname, "four eyes"It finally caught up with me: years of bragging about my 20/15 vision. I scheduled an eye exam and hoped I needed glasses. I've always wanted glasses. When Steve and I first dated, he even bought me glasses without prescription lenses.The doc wrote me a prescription and his assistant whisked... Continue Reading →

Let it go, bring it back

Year's flossing compacted into two hoursOne of the many perks of having a bona fide job (rather than being a contractor) is having health and dental insurance again. I enjoy both discounts on birth control and my teeth feeling clean. Yesterday was my first time in a dentist chair in the past year. And let... Continue Reading →

mayonnaise

Not as bad as it looksI hate condiments. I always have. Ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce, soy sauce, even salad dressing. Basically, if it comes in a bottle and sits on the fridge door shelf, I hate it.However, if it comes in a jar, it could be a different story (I know, I'm complicated). Mayonnaise has... Continue Reading →

tabloid

"Did Brad Pitt diss Jennifer Aniston?"Asked my husband completely unsarcastically while I read my Us Weekly. It's little things like this that prevent our marriage from being dull. Just when I think I've figured him out, he goes and does something like this and totally redeems himself. He keeps me guessing. And once in awhile,... Continue Reading →

baby big boys

Attempted murder: nature vs. tomato plantsLast weekend I bought two tomato plants. Now that I have a house, I feel I should try to grow something. When I was a kid, I had a garden. Each of us did. Chad grew corn, I grew carrots and tomatoes, and Amber grew zucchinis. Chad hoed, I pulled... Continue Reading →

Get the door, it’s a salesman!

I'm the woman of the houseWhenever the doorbell rings, I get excited as if it's going to be my friends coming over to play. I should move on. As an adult, the only people who ring the doorbell are moochers who want something from you. But I still answer the door. I'm nostalgic and apparently... Continue Reading →

Giveaway

It's about time for a giveawayIn the four days I was away, Spring sprung at my house. I returned to a (mostly) green lawn and my buds blossomed. Remember a couple weeks ago when I asked if anyone knew what these were?Well, they turned into these:Whoever you are, Anonymous, that identified them, reveal yourself and... Continue Reading →

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