beating the badness

Holden, lately, has been so good. Translation: obedient rather than defiant. He has never been an easy kid. He talks back constantly, throws fits, refuses to participate in kid things, whines, tries to barter every time he's given a command. To say it's hard to parent him is a massive understatement. But something in him... Continue Reading →

Holden’s fuzz

On an airplane, Thursday, 8/23/18: The clouds, from above, look like Holden's fuzz. From up here, I can see how they clump and pull away and I think, there must be a poem in this. Maybe it's in how Holden lies on the couch pulling fuzz apart. Maybe it's in how he sits up and... Continue Reading →

blue foam cake

My youngest sondoesn't interact withother children.Instead, hemakes me fake food,pen sketches,block buildings--shows them to me,waits for praise.Sometimes I think,in the way parents of 2017 do,I should schedule play datesfor him, introducehim to friends his own age. But I don't.I love the attentionhe lavishes on meand quite frankly,I don't actually believehe needs any fixing.He just brought me... Continue Reading →

Halloween 2017

It's always cold here on Halloween. But this was the first year it snowed. Just light snowflakes that didn't stick to much, but snow nonetheless. I looked up into the streetlights and watched them fall as the kids ran from house to house, shivering in the snow, collecting candy. This is embarrassing to admit, but when I... Continue Reading →


While I was drunkenly piecing together a puzzle last Saturday (so classic), my sister texted me:A: You guys gonna watch the eclipse?Me: If I find glassesA: *sends infographic of where to buy eclipse glasses*     Are you going to the path of totality? I hear it's incredible. We're planning on going.Me: Not sure what that means... Continue Reading →

window blinds

But today...After three and a half years of being a stay-at-home mom: of wiping asses and making lunches and putting out playdoh and scrubbing dishes and breaking up fights and band-aiding scrapes, I had two hours to myself. Holden started preschool. I ran to the lake, a spring in my step. There, the wind blew... Continue Reading →

symbiotic brothers

Brandon starts school on Monday. All day Kindergarten. Before, I thought it was me who would have a hard time with it. But now I realize it's Holds. These two have this bond that is so incredible. They speak their own language together. Brandon coaxes Holden into absolutely anything because Holden wants to be just... Continue Reading →


For 1096 days, this one has been squirming and screaming. Smiling and snarling.  Getting into things.  Getting out of them.  Talking non-stop every minute he's been awake.  Being a best friend to his brother, being the best lover of me. If you could hear the way he says, "I'm so excited!" you'd be excited too. His squinty-eyed smiles make my... Continue Reading →


Yesterday, Holden told me I'm his sunshine.Every day, he tells me he loves me, that I'm pretty, and that he likes my yellow hair.He holds my hand and gives me kisses. We listen to music together, one earbud apiece.He asks me to sing aloud to the songs he knows I like. He asks me to dance.... Continue Reading →

catching up

At first, when Holden was a screaming baby, I wondered if I would ever love him the way I loved Brandon. Brandon was my first boy, the boy who taught me how to be a mother and how to love unconditionally. None of that could be recreated - the magic had already happened. With Brandon,... Continue Reading →

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