snapshots

This morning was rough.Sometimes, I get overwhelmed.I'm taking a class on campus which might seem stupid, but it's not, because yesterday, when I was stuck on a story, the required reading for my campus class got me unstuck, so it is worth it, but it adds to my stress, to my endless list of things... Continue Reading →

like a child

When my arm is across Brandon's or Holden's chest, I feel their hearts racing, running. I think, slow down, calm down, breathe. You're running your little selves ragged, you're so high strung, you chatter too much. I think all of these things while I drink my coffee, trying to stimulate myself.I tell them not to interrupt... Continue Reading →

window blinds

But today...After three and a half years of being a stay-at-home mom: of wiping asses and making lunches and putting out playdoh and scrubbing dishes and breaking up fights and band-aiding scrapes, I had two hours to myself. Holden started preschool. I ran to the lake, a spring in my step. There, the wind blew... Continue Reading →

meshing

I think I have the perfect kids for me. The perfect kids for me to parent. I don't feel equipped to mother properly, but they make it easier on me by being for me what I need: adventurous, affectionate, and self-reliant.I hope I am for them what they need, too. This week my boys begged... Continue Reading →

chasing babysitters

I have been spending the morning trying to nail down a babysitter. For one afternoon a week, some (hopefully) responsible person will watch my children so I can run and write.Once we had not one, but two children, Steve and I decided I wouldn't work. Which was great in some regards: like we saved a... Continue Reading →

headphones

A lot of people my age with kids are hover parents. A hover parent is a parent who is always up in their child's grill, out of protection or lack of anything better to do.When I said a lot of them, I meant *cough* "all of the ones I know" *cough.* OK, that's not true.... Continue Reading →

a gift, but also a nightmare

Can I be candid about motherhood?  I'm going to be.A lot of times, it sucks.I remember being a new mother, with raw nipples and tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes thinking, why didn't anyone tell me this? Why couldn't one person have been honest about how hard parenting is?It's fucking hard. I mean, really fucking hard.... Continue Reading →

old mom

 My little sister has birthed a baby.   A little girl named Aviana Jaye. She is so tiny, so loud.   I never worried once about getting Baby Fever. Unless it is meant in the literal sense of a fever, accompanied by a headache and fatigue. Babies are not my jam. New moms have it really rough. Those... Continue Reading →

teaching each other

Yesterday, I told my friend I haven't taught my kids anything. That everything they know is from a book or TV or the iPad or preschool or each other. But of course, although they have learned from other sources, it isn't true that I haven't taught them anything. Why, right saying after that, I taught... Continue Reading →

sunshine

Yesterday, Holden told me I'm his sunshine.Every day, he tells me he loves me, that I'm pretty, and that he likes my yellow hair.He holds my hand and gives me kisses. We listen to music together, one earbud apiece.He asks me to sing aloud to the songs he knows I like. He asks me to dance.... Continue Reading →

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