reality tv #1

Tuesday night is TV night, so Tuesday blog is now (reality) TV blog.

I will actually start with Sunday’s news: I’m not sure who still watches “Rock of Love” (it is season 3, after all — I think we all realize that Bret Michaels isn’t really looking to settle down), but only very few viewers know that the first new episode actually airs at 10:30 am on Sunday mornings. Call me a die-hard, I just can’t get enough of all these trashy strippers vying to be Bret’s #1 groupie.

This week, we found out that Ashley’s tit tattoo “James” doesn’t actually refer to her son, but to her ex-boyfriend. Did I say ex? I mean, they live together and still hook up and when she saw him she said, “damn, he looks good.” Obviously things aren’t over there. This was a big disappointment to both Bret and myself. Bret was REALLY into her. He still loves strippers, even though we all know that his heart was broken by one (thus “Every rose has it’s thorn”). In the end, Bret let Ashley choose her own fate, and when she hesitated, he knew he didn’t have a shot against her beefy, tattooed Mr. Universe (can’t imagine why, Bret; you don’t look a day over 60 with that leather bag face and those stringy extensions).

Now, all that is left on the bus are the pathetic, whiny brunettes. Mindy is OK, i guess if she would ever change out of that damn vest of her’s and take it easy on the accent. I, however, was not impressed by her “interview.” She sat in front of Heather and Ambre and immediately went into some cliche about how she did cheat on her boyfriend, but she was in a very bad place in her life, and she’s grown from it. That’s what recruiters call a “professional interviewer.” They know what to say and what not to say, so they get the job, but it doesn’t mean they’re truthful or the job is a fit. I was waiting for Heather to call her out, but she didn’t. I think she actually gave her a standing ovation, instead. Heather, you’re not the hard ass I fell in love with. With polite manners, you don’t make for good TV, you just look like Paula Abdul.

Speaking of, American Idol: This season is pretty good, thus far. I like a few contestants, but my standout has been Matt Giruard from the get-go. I also like that sexy little singer Alexis, but tonight wasn’t her best. I thought it was funny that Simon told Danny that he hated his coat, because the second he stepped onto stage I gasped. I love that coat! It looks just like my black canvas coat with too many pockets! I will go search eBay after I finish this blog for lookalikes (oh, and I wasn’t impressed with Alexis either that she didn’t know what “soundalike” meant. Try to figure it out before looking like a moron).

Onto the Biggest Loser: first of all, I am GLAD that Helen ate that damn cookie so Sione won the challenge. We all know he deserved it because he would’ve finished before Tara if he hadn’t stopped because of his knee. Tara is getting a bit crazy anyway. No one likes a bragger, and she is always rubbing winning and being an “athlete” into everyone’s face. Not cool. Back onto Sione: is it weird that I find a man on a weight loss show attractive? I love that beard he’s been sporting, and I’ve always been a fan of curls. Not that we would work out anyway: with his tan, I would look like a corpse (oh yeah, and because we’re both married).

Ron (or “Papa” [shout out to Lydia, even if it is in brackets]) actually earned two points towards my favor this week. I have been an outspoken hater until tonight based on the way he’s always bossing around the votes and acting like he is the final say. OK, at the beginning of the show, I was very annoyed. He didn’t even attempt to finish the half marathon. What was it he said? “I knew I wouldn’t finish”? Well then why don’t you volunteer in the next elimination to go home (since you know there will be one next week: you are on the blue team). There are people who can and will finish. I hate a quitter. But at the end of the show, I was quite moved that he finally lost weight — and over 100 pounds total (even though his “before” and “now” pictures look identical) and that he didn’t automatically vote Aubrey out. I thought it showed real class. Speaking of Aubrey: when she was talking to her dad, didn’t she sound exactly like Jillian? That was a little eerie.

I could talk about reality tv all day, but I do actually have to get to work tomorrow…oh, but one more thing about “Rock of Love”: that Jaimie girl — what? She does not fit into the mix at all: First of all, she is just as pasty as I am. There is a reason us ghosts watch tv and don’t try to be on it! Being on “Rock” (yes, I did that) is all about fakeness: fake tans, fake tits, fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake nails, faux fur. She has none of that: just a ghostly goth girl with B-cups. I can’t believe she’s in the final four — maybe Bret hasn’t noticed her hanging around yet.

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