Trashy checklist

Lots of trashy people around here (we’re minutes from Iowa) that don’t have a clue that they’re trashy. Here is a check list: if even one of these apply to you, you’re trashtastic:

1. You have any apparel boasting beer or liquor logos
2. You drive a car made in the 70s by choice
3. Saturday night: 40s of Naughty Ice
4. Jelly shoes
5. “Doc Martens aren’t cool anymore? I just got my first pair”
6. You shoot squirrels from your porch
7. Your tv set has bunny ears on top and you don’t know what a feckin’ convertor box is
8. Certain words are hard to pronounce correctly (“pacifically;” “aks”)
9. Every brand in your closet has the word, “girl,” “sport,” or “USA” in it
10. You have two screen doors
11. You don’t cover your pregnant belly with clothing, but let it “breathe”
12. Breastfeeding in public (just happened on the plane the other day. Disgusting)
13. You own a toilet humor book
14. Instead of a junk drawer, you have a junk room
15. Comedy Central is still funny to you (or South Park, take your pick)
16. Pre-paid cell phone
17. Under the age of 65 and you eat at buffets
18. A felony on your record (accidents only happen in the misdemeanor range)
19. You’re missing an adult tooth
20. Tramp stamp or a tattoo of a damn butterfly somewhere on your body

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