As a part of my year of discipline, I decided to give up caffeine. Cold turkey. Please keep in mind that I have been known to hit up Scooter’s every day of the week. Additionally, I love to wash down lunch and/or dinner with an ice cold Pepsi. I mean, I fucking love caffeine. It recently came to my attention that caffeine is my only addiction. I hate being dependent on anything – it’s in my nature (Steve is the only exception). I like to be in control of my own life. So I thought I would feel empowered, defeating caffeine.
I was wrong. I felt weak and dizzy and tired all the fucking time. I fell asleep at 8 last night, completely unaware that it was coming on. My body was hooked. They should have rehab centers for caffeine addicts – a place chock full of other vices we could pollute our bodies with: a transferring of addictions. The problem with my own personal rehab was that I didn’t have any other vice to transfer my old one to. So I was just miserable. Irritable, bitchy. Over the weekend, Steve kept offering my caffeine to get me to shut up about how miserable I was. I didn’t cave because I was too bitchy and annoyed to give in and admit defeat.
So I googled caffeine addiction. I wanted to know how long my misery would last.Wikipedia, as always, held my answer:
Physical and psychological addiction can result from excessive caffeine intake. In an interview, Roland Griffiths, a professor in the departments of psychiatry and neuroscience at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, said that studies had demonstrated that people who take in a minimum of one hundred milligrams of caffeine per day (about the amount in one cup of coffee) can acquire a physical dependence that would trigger withdrawal symptoms that include headaches, muscle pain and stiffness, lethargy, nausea, vomiting, depressed mood, and marked irritability.Griffiths strongly believes that caffeine withdrawal should be classified as a psychological disorder.Through his research, withdrawals occurred within 12 to 24 hours after stopping caffeine intake and could last as long as nine days. Caffeine consumers are often more apt to consume to waive off the withdrawal symptoms than to enjoy the product.
Since I was already a couple days in, I decided to wait it out rather than caving just to start over again. Today is day six. I should get a little poker chip marking my sixth day of sobriety. Only now, nearly a week caffeine-free, has my headache subsided. Hopefully my jimmy legs are gone, too. My mood has brightened slightly. I am on the road to recovery. Who knew caffeine had such a massive effect on a body? I know there are true drug addicts out there who might not chuckle at my comparison of caffeine to crack, but for me, let’s hope this is the only drug detox I ever experience.