10. No more of these meth-head neighbors pestering me every time I come and go. Just because you hate the maintenance man doesn't mean I do, too. And I certainly hope your looks aren't contagious. 9. My yard will not be littered with feces, pet hair, and Milwaukee's Best cans. Just feces (from Tucker, just... Continue Reading →

Lots of trashy people around here (we're minutes from Iowa) that don't have a clue that they're trashy. Here is a check list: if even one of these apply to you, you're trashtastic:1. You have any apparel boasting beer or liquor logos2. You drive a car made in the 70s by choice3. Saturday night: 40s... Continue Reading →

I am not Anna Wintour by any stretch of the imagination, but there are a few fashion faux pas that irk the hell out of me. These are as follows:1. Denim on denim2. Velvet (no exceptions: it is NEVER ok-- in fact, my uncle single-handedly ruined all of my mother's wedding pictures by wearing a... Continue Reading →

I wouldn’t consider myself overly frugal (I cringe at the thought of jeans from Old Navy or American Eagle), but there are a few things I can’t imagine paying full price for – such as: 1. A $7 cocktail (for the price of two, I could buy an entire bottle of booze – and no... Continue Reading →

There is a reason I don’t have many (minus the “m”) friends. It is because of the following list:Traits I look for in a friend (must have all to be considered):1. In conversation, both speaks and listens, and a fair amount of each. 2. Will at least act (but prefer to actually be) excited when... Continue Reading →