amber necklace

I am not a hippie mom. I didn’t save my placenta. I don’t puree my own baby food. I never even wore my children. In fact, most of Brandon’s lunches are made in the toaster oven. He watches TV. I could never be confused for a hippie mom. But today, I did a hippie mom thing.

I loaded up the kids and took them to a baby boutique to buy an authentic amber necklace. If you haven’t heard of these, they are the newest craze for teething children.

The tag says: amber is a fossilized tree resin, and when worn against the skin, the skins warmth releases these healing oils from the amber, providing anti-inflammatory and analgesic effects perfect to soothe a teething baby.

It even sounds like a crock of horseshit. But damn it if I’m not desperate.  Once-predictable Holden has turned into a shrieking, screaming, not sleeping hot mess. He gnaws on my shoulder, drools through multiple shirts a day, and doesn’t drink his bottles like he used to. He is tired, hungry, and uncomfortable. Which means I am all those things, too. I am desperate to get normal amounts of sleep again and to have moments of quiet. 

While checking out, I was commenting on how big some of the necklaces looked. “Those are the adult sizes,” the cashier informed me. I was a millisecond away from making fun of adults who wore these when I noticed the cashier was wearing one. For once, I did not stick my foot in my mouth. “Do they work?” I asked instead. She claimed it cured her headaches and back pain.

I am by nature a skeptic, but I want to be a believer so badly. I want something to work on my poor little baby. So I can’t be sure if today was a better-than-average day or if I just want to believe that the amber works, but Holden fell asleep in the car instantly after it was on. Which was a minor miracle considering he had just taken a nap a little earlier. Then, he woke up from his little siesta and I didn’t even notice he was awake in his car seat because he was quiet. He ate his whole bottle at lunch time, and now has been sleeping peacefully in his crib for the past hour and a half.

So who am I to be cynical of spending $20 on an infant necklace made of amber? Hell, if this keeps up, maybe I’ll become one of those adults who wears them. I do get headaches, after all. Now if only it could regulate my thyroid, stop my excessive sweating and get rid of my stretch marks in the midst of all its healing powers.