Well, I wasn’t kidding. I did pretty much sleep through the rest of cleanse day one. Steve came home and saw that I was completely useless with my raging headache. So he took over dinner and I laid down. I awoke only to put the kids to bed, then crawled back in bed myself. I never did drink that cup of coffee (small victory, right?)

Then I woke up at 6:45 this morning. I won’t say refreshed, but I did wake up with much more gumption than I had yesterday afternoon. I did yoga while watching Vanderpump. I completely slept through Monday night’s ritual of tweeting while watching, “The Bachelor,” by the way. This cleanse is already changing my life. Or postponing it, at least.

Sunday night, before the cleanse, Steve and I had agreed to take our measurements. We aren’t doing this cleanse for weight loss reasons (why are we doing it again?), but if that is a positive manifestation of the cleanse, I’d like some tangible proof. We were both appalled at our measurements.

I had given myself a break from Thanksgiving on – I was on vacation, and then it was December so I ate terrible (I mean, cookies, donuts, or cupcakes nearly every day) and I also went back on my cafreddo habit that I had worked so hard to break in September.

If you are trying to lose weight, I’d say start with what you drink. Don’t drink pop, coffee that isn’t black, or alcohol and you’ll shed pounds quickly. I looked at the calories and sugar in one blended coffee drink since I have access to that top secret information in my very successful career, and let me tell you, it’s insane. Insane! I’m talking three days worth of sugar in one drink. So don’t do it. Except once in awhile to treat yourself, of course.

Any way, back to our measurements. The weight portion might have been inflated a bit since we had just finished bingeing. But the measurements don’t fluctuate so quickly. I did weigh myself yesterday morning and then again this morning (I’m not a daily weigher – I was just curious how much I fluctuated on a day when I ran five miles and ate mostly vegetables), and I lost 3.4 pounds. So then I ate yesterday’s dinner and breakfast together this morning because to say I was hungry is like to say kids whine sometimes. Massive understatement. 

I’m taking the kids out today, hopefully the field trip will distract me from everything I’m missing. Hopefully I don’t pull into a drive-thru and buy a cafreddo or a donut. Hell, even fast food is sounding good right now, and that’s not even something I usually eat. What’s that phrase? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Fuck yeah, it does. Maybe not in the case of people, but definitely in the case of cupcakes. 

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