call me a triceratops

Here are the loopholes I’ve found of this cleanse: potatoes, corn, salt and oil. Yes, I think they’re all allowed. If they’re not, don’t rain on my parade. It’s all I have! So I munched on some popcorn while watching, “The Bachelor” last night. Usually, my popcorn is coated in a couple tablespoons of butter, but hey, I’ll manage (won’t I?).

I’ve also discovered that kale is only to use in smoothies. I tried it in a salad with spinach and romaine, and I just couldn’t deal. I was reading Brandon one of his dinosaur books and it said triceratops ate all day long. No wonder! They’re only eating leaves! That shit takes all day to eat. Now give me a bowl of pasta and it’ll be gone in a minute.

But seriously, give me a bowl of pasta. Real pasta. I had the brown rice pasta, and it tastes like cardboard. Completely gross. So it’s gonna be a whole lot of brown rice for me during this cleanse. Quinoa is an absolute “no.” I’ve tried and tried but I can’t. And we all know I’ve never liked potatoes much, except in their fried and chip varieties.

Another thing I’ve discovered is that Steve and I have amazing self-control, we just haven’t exercised it much before. We are both in our third day without our drinks of habit – caffeine for me and booze for him. I’d like to say we’re feeling great, but we’re not. But we are managing. We are stronger than we thought we were.

Little things I never noticed before I notice now – like I stopped myself from licking Brandon’s strudel frosting off my finger and then I realized that I have licked that frosting every morning for umpteen mornings now. Having kids, you nibble on their leftovers. This cleanse is not kid-friendly. I have been making everyone individual breakfasts, then two lunches and two dinners. I am always in the kitchen.

When I’m not, I’m doing yoga. For some reason, I’m craving it every morning now. The last two mornings I rose before the family and found time for yoga. Not sure why I’m waking up so early – probably hunger. No, definitely hunger. Call me a triceratops.