When did my little baby get so big? He doesn’t look like a newborn anymore. He’s a hefty 15 pounds and thinks he’s independent. He plays on his piano gym while I do pilates. He tries to hold his bottle himself. He even almost sleeps through the night (midnight-6am). He doesn’t fit into the crook of my arm anymore. He doesn’t fit into his 0-3 months clothes any more. There are littler babies than him now. He’s becoming a boy.
I don’t know when this happened. It feels like it was overnight. When I came back from Seattle, Steve marveled at how much bigger Brandon was. Maybe that’s when I noticed it, too. I feel like I missed a stage, but I didn’t – the newborn phase really went that fast. I see now how people get baby fever when their kids grow up. Is it too early to get baby fever again when my son is only 9 weeks old?
In two short weeks I am returning to work. And Brandon will be going to daycare. I’m afraid of missing another phase of his life. I will still be there for him – every evening, night, and early morning. Every weekend. But those forty hours that I am not with him might destroy me. I have found joy in his every smile and coo. I have been the one who is always with him. I won’t be able to say that much longer. So these next two weeks, I will spend even more time than usual kissing his slightly-sweaty forehead. These are the last two weeks before there is someone else who will comfort him when he cries. Now I’m getting teary.